Lately I have been feeling a little down because everything in my life seems to be stagnant, lonely and not moving. My heart has been broken recently and I had met someone then made me feel special again. He reminded me of my worth which allowed me to not feel my heartaches as much.
He came into my life one day as I was walking to the liquor store to get a drink. My son’s father was being mean to me previously before my walk. He was doing me wrong as if it was fun for him. He walked over me as if I don’t have feelings or exist. I didn’t get why someone would want to treat another like that. We broke the realationship off in that moment of our argument, before my walk.
As I was on my way to the liquor store I heared a few men calling me over, trying to get my attention. They were at a Hotel across from The Hotel in which I was staying. I kept my head straight thinking it’s a man who probably has nothing good to offer me. As I was running across the street to beat the traffic life, at the end a car pulled up to give me a ride. He was the only one out of the three, that came to me. I normally do not go into stranger’s car’s but I knew that the Universe has deemed it so. How do I know this? …..
Because after I left the Hotel to go to the Store my Son’s Father said that he was having Deja Vu. He said that this day happened before and that something bad was going to happen. I thought well if he is the one causing the pain, then for him it will be bad but that doesn’t mean bad for me. That’s when I had met this guy not even 5 min’s into me walking.
He was there for a week and in that week, I have seen him 4 days. 2 days in a row, 2 days from him and 2 more days with him, before he had to go on the road again. His fb count at that time was 555 which is the number to new beginnings and letting go of the old to make room for the new. His past relationship lasted for 7 years and mines for 5, the difference of the #’s are 2. 7+5=12 which is 3, the difference between our life path #’s. His daughter and my son’s age added up is also 5. We are even wearing the same color in our profile photos, which is White. We talked more on fb because at the time of meeting him, I didn’t have a phone. My son had broken it, give or take 2 weeks prior from our meeting. I didn’t even notice the time that I had updated my profile picture was at 1:11am 13 days before our meeting.
We both checked into our separate Hotels across from eachother on that Saturday. We met the following Sunday. I knew something was about to happen in the matters of the heart when I heard my room number was 222, so meeting him the next day wasn’t to my surprise. His life number and my life number added Together is the number 2. So our union# is 2. The day we met, August 16th 2020, all added up to the number 2. 8+1+6+2+2= 19, which adds to 10 equaling to 1. His daughter is 2 years old. We are also 2 year’s apart. My son is 3 years old, which is the number difference between our life path number. His life path is a 7 and mines is a 4. My destiny # is 9, my soul urge # is a 7 and my personality# is a 2. His birthday is September 2nd and as I had mentioned earlier his life path # is 7. The # 7 is also known as one of the highest spiritual numbers that exist.
I do not know if his numbers matches my life #’s like I do his because I still do not know his middle Name. I need his full Name to get his accurate#’s. Even my heart’s desire # is 7 and my subconscious self is 7. My third pinnacle # is also 7. I didn’t find this out until after I pushed him away.
Anyways, how he treated me, made me know that what he has to offer, I do indeed deserve him. Our time together felt like I have known him for a while. Can he be my twin flame? The other path to my soul. It’s like I’ve met him in some other life. He felt familiar and he treated me how I needed.
So I’ve been in a down mood for a lil over 2 weeks now, since that was the last time we spoked.
All I can think is what if I’m so hurt that I’m just being stupid and stuck, looking for things to make sense. What if this guy doesn’t have the intentions of coming back into my life… Then what?! Should I just forget about him so that way I do not hurt myself unnecessary.
Sadly don’t matter how much I try to do and act out of wisdom. I always have those moments where I slip up. Whether it’s by me being mean to someone because I thought they deserved it or it’s because my mind is racing at a fast pace, causing me to act in a manner in which I could have done better.
I pushed him away because he said to me I normally f*** with females that’s on a higher level than you pertaining to my financial situation.
I felt offended because coming from nothing and having nothing, the little that I do have count’s as something to me. At first I was thinking maybe this is the guy that the universe has picked for me and that everything else that happened in the past was just so that I can better know the do’s and donts in love. But after hearing the words that came out of his mouth about my finances, in my head I kept thinking: On a Spiritual level I have everything to offer and that should be enough. Everyone is so caught up in the materialistic things…. what do you have? Fancy clothes, money, cars, houses etc…..
But not a lot of people are saying can you heal my soul, can you always make me laugh, can you be trusted with my heart and happiness? The things that should really matter, most people miss it. Because I felt so offended, I told him if that’s how he felt go find someone that’s on his level and someone that lives closer to him. I am in New Jersey and he is in Florida. We met while he was her for work in my state.
I do have a regular job. I am the Claims Specialist for a Cabinet Company. I also go out my way to help my coworker build and pack the cabinets. I do not make much money from it as I should be making, plus I do not drive. I have taken the writing test at the age of 16 and passed my first time taking it. I never went anywhere further with it because my older sister ripped the paper up and throw it in the garbage in front of my face. She said she did it because I was stubborn and disrespect. I wasn’t no weak kid, I stood tall in what I believed in and didn’t want anyone to force me to be like them. I wanted to be who I should be. Everyone lost hope in me and labeled me as the black sheep, as if I didn’t deserve to be me instead of being like everyone else.
One day my sister said that she wished that she can wake up and I be gone from her house. That morning, I woke up went to school, never to return. I left with the clothes on my back and A $20 bill in my pocket. I had to figure out something from nothing. She called the Cops and told them that I had ran away. I was gone for so long that one day I made it on the ABC News Channel. People were looking for me all across America. Calls from different states, with people saying they had sited me, even when I haven’t been to most of those states. I ended up being caught because I was in a hotel with some friends and the hotel attendance called the cops since they have seem me on the news.
I’ve Always dreamed about being on Tv so if that was the way it happened at least I can say I was on Tv… Lol. Through it all the cops never put me in handcuffs. They even joked and said your so smart you should join our team. I had ran away a few times before and I always kept in the back of my mind and listen to how the cops said they had found me, so that I can better maneuver around them. Like staying off public streets, if you have to go then wear a hoodie so no one can see your face etc etc. I also didn’t tell anyone where I was so that they had nothing to tell. I remembered when I got caught I gaved the cops a wrong Name and Age, to the point they had to get a Computer Specialist or whatever they said he was, to figure out who I was. I told them my name was Selena and that I was from Guyana. A few hours after his arrival, he came out and said you are Abigail M born on 3.30…… And you are a missing person. I laughed so hard, as usual Im always laughing at things that are serious because I don’t know what else to do. It’s a bad habit I’ve picked up as a child to not face certain things.
I remembered being in the car and they were all standing in a circle having a meeting about me. I was thinking should I make a run for it, then I was like but You already put them through so much so I didn’t run. Not sure why it’s seems like 100 cops shows up for one little me but that night I ended up in my pastors house. I didn’t want to go back with my sister since she was abusive and I always had to contain her so she doesn’t hurt me to badly.
My Pastor and her Husband took me in as their own. They had a baby of their own adding me to their lives. My heart is full of love and gratitude towards them. I felt so special and loved to the point I jumped out the bathroom window on a winter’s night never to look back.
Instead I went back to the streets, because something in me felt like it was to easy, I felt like I had to go into the dark, evil world and master it. I am now 24 year’s old and have seen a lot during my times of homelessness. I’ve see great Evil and Good. I’ve known fun and bringing out my wild side. I learned how to adapt to anything in life and to anyone in life. I have thought myself so much just so that my circumstances would not overcome me.
I am proud of who I am, I do know I deserve the best and that I am capable of doing better to myself. I know I was wrong to myself for not picking myself up and going back for my test to attain my driver’s license. If this new guy was to fly to me, I cannot drive him around nore will he have a car to get around since I do not have a car. My choices to not get back up after someone took something away from me turned out to hunt me in my current moments. I thought about moving out his way for him also working on my driver’s licenses but he seemed to be beating himself up. He kept saying he don’t want me to find someone else and forgot him or that I would disappointed him and find someone else. He even told me he felt as if he had known me before. He thinks and Hope’s that I am the one for him. The more he thought about what I didn’t have, made him shut down on me. His negativity then eventually got into me, to the point I was then thinking negative about our situation.
This is not how I wanted what we had to turn into. I’ve been feeling sad lately knowing that in the materialistic world I really don’t have much to show. Since him leaving my life, something inside of me feels disconnected. As if something has left my soul. I had never felt that before especially in a short time frame with anyone else. I get sad obviously, but I never once felt disconnected from something on the insides when it comes to love. I normally only feel pain or less of myself.
During one of our sexual encounters, my eyes were closed and we were in the dark, and there it was…. The Universe. I saw the Universe as if it was my Reality. As if I was there in the midst of it all so I just gazing at it’s beauty.
The beauty to be somewhere, where I had only seen pictures of on the TV or internet. To be there in what seemed so real to me was a blessing to experience. TMI….. Too much information… I know rite….. Sorry
On the phone he mentioned that encounter being his favorite because he felt something. Lmao, I never did tell him what I experienced as yet, I only told him that I enjoyed it also. I also did not tell him about our synchronicities. I don’t want him to think I’m crazy n shit. I only told him that the universe send me a sign to get in the car with him and that he needed to meet me in the time that he did.
It’s so many more things that makes me think he is different that the rest of men that came my way. Everything he says is so diligently put together that I have to pay extreme close attention to every details and to also the best way into replying back. I am a thinker so to be the first person that has me like that was a mystery that I was ready to explore. As usual things always takes a turn for the worst. I hope that things will change between us but for now I have learned my lesson. I should have stand tall and not back down because of what another said. I should have kept what made me happy and not think about the bad that I was feeling through that current moment. I mean after all, he showed me exactly what one needed to show me. I should have gotten up and went and got my licenses, instead I stayed down and this is what has caused myself to remain stagnant. I should not keep myself down because of what someone did to me, but to keep getting up for myself. To create a better version on me.
This reminded me of the time where I knew that being on my own with no money to further my education would keep me down so instead I started volunteering my time which helped me up the Business World. From helping with kids to building houses for the less fortunate.
I once landed a job for an elementary school in the town where I also went to high school in. The town of Edison NJ. After I got out of school, I would have to walk to the elementary school for the after care program. My job was helping the kids with their homework, playtime, feeding etc. I worked in daycares and then went into the food business. I started off as a cashier, then a line cook, into a cook for a dragway in South Jersey. I even served and cooked for the main guy who played in The Office. I detailed cars and tried to learn it all. We would drive around Philadelphia in the nights from car to car. When I worked in Factories, I would watch how people operated their Heavy Machinery until I was giving the opportunity to be a Machine Operator myself. They were surprised how much I had known about the machine. I went from putting the products into boxes on a pallette into producing the health packets that goes in the boxes. In everything I do, I try to use every opportunity to excel because I know that without money everything is harder to achieve. When I do bad, I DO IT BAD and when I do good I Do It Good so I try my best to be good.
I ended up quitting Medical School because I knew in 5 years I wouldn’t have the money to pay back the Loan I had taken out. Rite now would have been 5 years, I do not regret my decision because I stand by my choices. I even tried to join the Arm once. Not being in school for so long and only having a High School Diploma which was technically a GED since I obtained it through the state, when I was 18 or 19.
I got all Masters in every subject while staying late to help everyone else. I was supposed to go at least 3 days a week to class and I did just that. I was too busy parting and smoking weed to go to school all the days. I did beer minimum. In highschool I would be the one to help the cool kids since they didn’t understand when the teacher was teaching. I mostly excelled in Mathematics while in Highschool, after some very hard work of course. I did do to bad in the other subjects as well.
I had a hard time reaching to the score I need to join the Army. Since I had a GED, I had to score higher than someone that finished Highschool. Finally, I had success 100 tries later. The words when do you want to ship out for basic training, next week or in a month ran through my ears. The words of success and my hard work flowing like Sweet Music. I said in 1 month as they escorted me out of the Building. Wait!…. a lady said. Is that a tattoo behind your ear? You have to remove it before you can go. I knew it was the words of the Devil because before taking the test they had a picture of the body and had to mark down everywhere on the body where a tattoo is located on me. The tattoo behind my ear is in Hebrew, so I felt like the words were translated and that is what came into my way. The tattoo reads…. Child Of God.
The only option was to Cut it out or Lazer it off, leaving my Skin white. I then knew that it was all about the meaning of the tattoo, so my easy way out was now not an option. I worked myself all the way up into doing the claims for a Company that is well know for furniture’s in Korea. They Branch the Company off in America, having only two locations. The location that I work at, I am the only female in the warehouse section. Their is one other woman but she is Korean and works in one spot. I am black and my job requires walking all over the building so everyone See’s me as being the only female. My co workers try there best to acknowledge me and I appreciate that. Everyone is surprised of how a woman can work and be stronger than some of the men. I have worked so hard to get to where I am now, thought I’m not really far in life on the physical aspect because of my lack of finances. I have made myself into a strong being. I mostly feel left out and miss understood because of how they Sometimes act with me at work. I have to do everything 10 times as hard just to accomplish a simple task. Only to be put down with harsh words about me being a woman and not being able to do what the men do. Because of this I even get paid less raises than my fellow men co workers.
Anyways in the midst of it all I haven’t been doing what I have promised to the Dark and Light side. To connect to both and have then help me to help them. What I have started was put on hold after I had promised to not put it on hold any longer. I’ve been to stuck in my feelings to even keep track of the days that passes.
2 night’s ago, I have decided it was time to pay some attention to the Spiritual World. I connected and told God what I needed to tell him. He then said to me to not think about my mistakes and to only think about the current moment. I did just that. I did what I would do on another other days as if I hadn’t stopped. I didn’t judge myself nore did I feel Judging from God.
I kept saying how much I loved my maker and telling him how great he is and that I am greatful he exist. I then went to the dark side and said that I knew it’s been a while but I have been going through some things.
My son then opened the door and I knew that meant the dark parts didn’t want to receive me. I didn’t get why so I then thought maybe it’s because the times that I was sitting in the darkness sad, counted as me being with them so they felt offended. I then wondered as to why something so simple will cutt off our connection. I mean I am still learning after all.
I left and gaved it a few minutes defore I went back in. I was high off of my weed so instead of fear from being pushed away, I was persistent and curious to find out what was they so mad about. I smoked and sat in the dark thinking.
That’s when it came into my mind, with my voice and my sound, saying:
God is not your Maker, someone else Created you so the had to let me know since I wouldn’t think different. We were taught in School that God created all of us. My mind said that I have chosen to follow God because I liked what he stood for and how great he is. I asked.... So where is My Creators, are they lost to the dark side?… and I heard my mind say YES.
I was like what the fuck… no way in hell God didn’t create me. I get that before, I used to tell people God isn’t real because if he was, he wouldn’t have just left me to suffer. Was this pay back for how I felt at those moments?! I mean people change and some change and get wiser. I know now that someone made me so whoever he is I deemed him as my God. On earth I know that all God’s leads to one God and that everyone has different God’s, different views and different beliefs systems.
We come in different colors, different shapes, different sizes, with different personalities. Some of us are interested in things that another might dislike and so on. I then remembered one of my old post where I had mentioned, where are the creators of God? What happened to them is that God’s purpose…. to save the original creators and his Creator?! Now in this post that same question arise and this is why we should see the importance of what we’re really fighting for.
Whoever created God most likely created more like God this is why they said God created us in His image. We do not even know how many creations exist. And sadly we do not really know where it truly started from and whether or not it has stopped on us. I believe this is why on Earth we are all different because we all come from different makers. Is it possible that God isn’t responsible for creating every Human Being on the Planet? Is this why we all think differently, we all do everything different, we are all different creations within one creation. We do come in different colors also so this wouldn’t be a shock to me is it is true. If you trace everything back in spirituality, you will come to realize that everything came from one source. Don’t matter how much we have stemmed and rooted from that source it is still and always will be our main source. This is why we feel that we are different but know that we are apart of the same.
How come of all the Creations that we know of, we only know of one Creator, God? And let’s not forget Lucifer, the creator of the material World, that fell to the dark side. How many more Creators are lost in the dark? What is really our past History? What are the things we do not know or think of? All of our history cannot be put into a book, so where is our history really? Is it in our brain’s? Isn’t it weird how life is a maze and our brain looks like a maze also. Is our history and knowledge inscribed into the brain itself. If so the only way to unlock our past and future history, is to detach our brain’s from the mazes of life, into following the paths embedded into our brains. To follow every line in the bain into figuring out what we really are so that we can be who we are on an unseen level.
Our creation has been created to help save all the other Creations and Creators. God has shared his mission with US. He knew we will not fail him, even when all said to him that he should be ashamed for creation us…. But like he said, all other Creations shall bow before man, and I must say I can see this now. We all standing tall for what we have accomplished while all things bow in Glory to us. Maybe I carry myself to much as a queen. In my world I believe in queens and carry myself like one. Everyone around me, even says you are truly a real life queen… I don’t know maybe this is why I will be in glee when this do happen.
ALL HAIL THE HUMANS! Lmao let me stop playing around and get back serious with y’all. I am done for the day. Please remember to be kind to your fellow beings and most importantly to yourself. You are all kings and queens so please carry yourself like it. Know that you are the best thing to happen to the world. You are on top of the world and should carry yourself like it everyday. Know and believe that you deserve the best and be happy with the little that you have for the little to you, is alot to another. Don’t matter what you are going through, take time for your healing and know that once you keep getting up and trying, you will never fail. Do not take one day at a time but live and enjoying one moment at a time. When things go wrong and you are feeling down, know that it doesn’t mean that you are weak or that you deserve less. It just means that you have some learning and growing to do in order to not be broken by life. Our goal is to rise above life and not have life devour us. Keep being fucking awesome, until next time my fellow King’s and Queen’s.
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