Published by 1On1Wisdom
I was born in the country of Trinidad & Tobago on the month of March,1996. Growing up I was no ordinary girl! I was fast as a bee & wild as a bear. I was always dirty since my brother and I lived in an abandon house deep in the bushes with my mentally ill mother. I was the most beautiful little girl you have ever seen. I wore the most beautiful dresses that was sadly covered in mud. I enjoyed climbing the tallest tress at least 25 feet high. I enjoy building huts out of coconut leaves and doing everything I was told not too do. I enjoyed eating cups of milk & sugar since that was my main source of food. I hated when my mother would mix my juice or soda with water because it was watery and didnt taste as good. We used charcoal to brush our teeths since my mother could not afford a toothbrush or toothpaste. It worked like a charm, she always made sure my teeth was perly white. To use the bathroom we had to poop on newspapers and pee outside under the house. My little brother cannot remember as much as I did since I was older. He would have to stay with my mother while I walked for what seems like miles to a 4 year old for drinking water. One day I fell into the ditch of water and I recieve unexpected strength that helped pull me to safty. My mother showed me how to be tuff on my own as far back as I can remember, she showed me how to properly balance a bucket of water on my head so that I can carry it easier.
I even saved my mothers life by saying the word stop. One day our neighbor killed a huge snake as long as an anaconda and wanted to show my mother. I was high up in the trees and a snake fell trying to reach down and bite me. I kept on enjoying the wild as i heard my neighbor screaming go get your mom. I went inside but she send me back outside and told me to tell him that she is cooking. When my mom finally came outside the man took his cutlass/ machete and tried to chop my mom up. They were running around in circles and I didnt know what to do. I thinked to myself if I screamed no-one would hear me, if I ran I would not make it in time. That is when I realized that this is a fight between good and evil. So I screamed STOP with all my might as hard as I can out of love. The guy stopped looked at me and said your lucky and went back inside. This goes to show you how crazy people really are and the reasons why we need to separate good from evil once and for all.
At the age of five one day a woman visited my home from another country to find me a safer home. It was a rainy day out, I was busy playing with my Barbie's, outside when I saw this strange lady came walking up towards the steps. I stood there confused as she said the words " I am your sister" …… I started yelling as to why no-one told me I had a sister. No-one had mentioned her before but I knew I had several brothers. She came because the home I once knew with my mother was become unsafe day by day since her mental illness was getting worst.
Many years back my mother was the most beautiful person. I got the chance to see a picture of my mother before she got sick. She was full of beauty for all, posing as if she was a model with an artistic talent many will gladly wish to posses. She created the most beautiful wedding cakes ever. Sadly not everything stays the way we would like. Growing up I was told by my sister and family members that my mother was abused badly by her mother to the point she sometimes made my mom have sex in the bar she owned so that she can keep the money to herself. When my mom tried to play with her toys her mother would beat her and flush it down the toilet. As my mom got older she tried finding ways to cope. From running away, to alcohol to drugs to stories of people working black magic on my mother`s mind because of her beauty. I may never know the truth. But what I do know is that she has lost what she reslly loved..... Her kids, her mind & her lifestyle.
Fast Forward my brother was taken in by his father but my father was busy with his own family and his woman at the time did not want me to be apart of their lives. Maybe because of shame! I was taken to my brother's house where he said " She is not my responsibility & neither is she yours, she should be returned to where you got her from. I was told that the rest of my family excuses was no different along with the words,
" she looks just like her mother, she will turn out to be crazy like her too. We do not want that responsibility."
My sister said that she went crying to her friends that no-one wants me and she does not know what to do with me. She searched everywhere but no-one would take me in. She did not want to leave the country knowing I was not safe. Jackpot, I was taken in by them, complete strangers to me at the time. I was greeted by dogs surrounding me trying to rip me to pieces. I screamed as loud as a trumpet & quickly climbed up the fence. They were told by their owner to leave me alone as I slowly came back down to the ground. When I got inside I had a bath with clean clothes waiting for me & the most delicious food I have ever eating. I was not told the words I love you growing up but by the way I was taken care of I read in-between the lines & knew that they loved me. I was taught to hunt in the wild & shoot shotgus, learned how to cook by my aunt and her mother, and how to fend for myself by learning, I was taught how to fish and anything to do with the wild by my uncle. Everytime I looked bored I was told to go and read a book by him. I had many toys as a kid from dolls to guns I had it all. I had lots & lots of guns, whether I was outside shooting or cooking for my dolls anytime my uncle saw me outside he would always tell me to go & pick up a book. I never understood why since he was the one that taught me the outside things. He loved me in his own special way. My aunt would be the one to cook for the household and wash my clothes, while her mother would make sure I ate breakfast before school and got dressed. My aunt always did my hair and helped with my homework. She treated me as her own child since she had none of her own at the time.
Shortly after I started getting comfortable I was being sexually assaulted by an older kid of the family for the six to seven years I lived there. I was not the only one though, a older girl also staying there had to have sexual intercourse with him also. I was so scared & confused to tell anyone because he would tell lies on me when I said no and made me get beatings. Most of my beatings growing up was for something they did and he would put the blame on me. I would tell the truth that I did not do it but it seemed as if no one believe me. Since then I started lying to protect myself. It just became a part of me over the years to protect myself as best as I could. It got worst when it was time for me to eat, he would take the good foods out of my plate and give me everything he didn't like which turned out to be the same foods I didn't like either. I was always the last one at the dinner table, sometimes I would get beatings because I was sitting at the table for hours. As a child I could not leave the dinner table unless I ate all my food. I started getting smart by hiding the foods in my underwear, doors, toy box and fed it to the dogs. I sometimes had to hide from him because he would make me kneel in a coner for hours or have me sit with my thumbs sticking straight up while my back was completely straighten for hours. He would tell me if anyone asked what was wrong with me and to why I was like that to not speak because he would tell them I did something wrong so that I can get a beating. It felt like I couldn't speak for an entire year but only in school. I did not know what was going on because I did not believe an adult can fall for so many lies that did not make sense to me as a child. I always wanted to tell my sister or mom but everytime they called they would always stand by the phone to monitor our conversations. They even monitored when my mother would visit me all the way up until she left. Over the years I found a way to escape by running away to my mind. Unaware to me that I was practicing the art of meditation. I used this method so much that I developed a side where I was entering other dimensions. I taught I was just having the same dream for months where I would always start off from where I had left off the night before. Unknown to me I started accessing a higher power and knowledge. I also used this method to stay true to my human values in life & to always help find my way back to my chosen path.
One night instead of me going to the place I visited for months I fet something heavy crawing up the bed onto my chest. I was greeted by Satan himself in his purest form as a snake. Even though my eyes was closed I saw him clear as day about to bite me. At the time I was afraid of snakes so I prayed & held my breath while praying until I passed out. I woke up the next morning to me screaming in fear. I noticed that the wooden antique bed was cracked in half & the floor was stained blood red as if it was an old deep stain. I rubbed and rubbed to no success of removing it. My aunt quickly ran to my screams as I told them about the sake. Everyone kept asking " Are you sure that it was not a bird that got inside?" I said no, my eyes was closed but I saw it as if my eyes was open. The snake was about to bite me before I passed out from holding my breath while praying to God for help. Strangely they never asked about the bed being cracked or the deep red stain at the foot of the bed. But weirdly my pastor came by later on that same day, blessed & prayed for me. A short while after he left, my aunt said she saw a snake outside and to run as fast as I could and bring her the cutlass/ machete before it gets away. Like I had mentioned earlier I am a fast runner so a short while after I brang her the cutlass/ machete. She told me that she thinks she got it, she was not sure because it slid away quickly. I never got a chance to see. As I was doing my daily chores of picking up the ripe fruits that fell on the ground and putting it into a bucket so that my aunt and grandmother can make fresh juices and jams. As I was crossing the drain outside of our gates to pick the mangos, passion fruits, & guavas that fell both inside and outside our fence. As I was walking outside the fense I saw a baby snake dead in the drain with the same colors just the opposite ways. They were both red, black and white. One is supposed to be poison and one is not.
This is why today I believe it was the devil himself. I became aware from an early age that there is something going on in this world that many are not willing to talk about. From then on whenever I have questions about life, instead of turning to man himself, I turn to this hidden knowledge inside of me thay I have learned to tap into over the years. This hidden knowledge is inside all of us. It is up to us to figure out how to access it & reign our world. We all have our own demons to fight but it is up to us to have the knowledge we need to come out winner's in life.
You see my mother's mom grew up the same way, from her mother being hanged to death by her father becaue she couldnt have any boy children for our legacy to be pass on. One time my oldest brother took me for the summer, he told me not to go outside and play when the sun is out because I was getting to black. My neighbors was calling me to show me that they learned how to do a black flip. My brother ended up coming home from work and caught me outside. He got so mad that be beat me with all his might using his belt. He is a body builder so you know that was the worst beating I have ever gotten in my lifetime. My mothers family is Indian so you know they own business suchs as bars and wearhouses but yet I have always struggling in life. My grandmother saw her very own mother being physical and emotionally abused by her dad. I even heard stories of her dad hanging her mom because she kept on making girl children and he wanted a boy so that our legacy to be passed on to him. So instead of my grandmother fighting her demons, she let them influence her to the point that this curse was passed down to my mother to me. My grandmother spoiled all her grandkids but my mom kids which include me. With all this bad luck my family is still doing well for themselves back home, while I'm in a foreign counrty left fighting for myself. My sister took me to the country she lives in inorder to have a better life but we no longer speak. I told her that I was being sexually assaulted all those years when I was almost 15 years old. I told her because she was being mean to me by blaming me for past actions and constantly trying to put her hands on me without trying to see that I am not a bad person at all. Yes the older I got the more bad I had grew. From lying to fighting to bulling kids. I do not regret the things that made me a better person. My experiences is what made me a truly unique person. In my high school in Trinidad I was on my 9 suspension in only 2 years. I used to do stupid shit, like flooding the school bathroom, to making fun of teachers, to crazy gluing someone to their chair, to putting condoms and spit in a girls hair etc. Strangely these people are still in my life today asking for life advises. I was not kicked out of the school system because I was and is a very smart young lady. Dont matter how bad I had grown to be, I always got passed my classes. I came to america after this girl took my head and started banging it into the wooden desk. Long story short I blacked out, everyone said I turned into hulk. No-one could contain me because of my strength, not the security guards, or principal or the hundreds of kids that was at school that day. I was told by the doctor that my strength levels measure in the high 80's, which is the strength of a man. I got up as she started running to the groung level. I took an iron chair while I waited for her to throw it. I threw it but missed her by an inch. I was about to jump off the second floor of the school so that I can catch up to her. Long story short she apologize but I still got suspended for it even if it wasnt my fault. Next thing you know I was on an airplane heading to America. Everyone was tired of my behavior! From fighting to lying to stealing, I did it all. I came to America and now my old ways not longer serves me. I treat others the way I would like to be treated. I found courage by holding on to hope & faith that everything has to come to an end one day. My old ways no longer served me so I decided a long time ago to be strong enough on my own for the ones that has it worst than me. To alway be greatful for the little I do have for to someone else it is alot. To teach myself what love is and to pass it on too my fellow creatures that does not know what it feels like to be loved. Together with our own unique stories we can stand up & change our future. We can choose to seperate the good from the bad & multiply the good. We will break the curses of darkness and reclaim the light. We will follow our own paths too the road of awareness and win our world back from evil.
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